


Crushed

by flootzavut



Series: Spuffy stories [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst and Feels, Episode: s05e14 Crush, F/M, Season/Series 05, Sprusilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8295193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: "Since he had brought her down here and chained her up and gotten her in this position, she figured Spike owed her one."A 'what if?' of the episode Crush and the infamous "If I chain you up in my basement and kill your rival, then you'll love me, right?" scene.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [internetname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/internetname/gifts).



> for giving me an idea for the title, though it's taken me so long to actually finish and post, you've probably forgotten at this point LOL ;)
> 
> Okay, so for this one I have played about in the vagueness of canon regarding vampires and sire bonds and all that stuff. In the end, it's not the central theme of the story, so hopefully it shouldn't matter too much if my headcanon is not your headcanon. As far as I can tell, canon is vague about this and has a tendency to change things when it's convenient for the plot, so... eh. If they can do it...
> 
>  

 

* * *

_**Crushed** _

* * *

 

She was so caught up in frantically trying to loosen the manacles around her wrists, Buffy didn't even realise Drusilla had broken free until a fist caught her in the stomach, winding her. Then Dru was lunging for her throat, one hand gripping hard enough on her upper arm to leave bruises, the other tangling viciously into her hair. Buffy kicked out, arching herself away from those teeth, damning Spike for leaving her almost defenceless.

She pulled and tugged, trying desperately to loosen Dru's grip - if she could head-butt Dru, maybe break her nose or something, it would buy a few precious seconds to regroup - but Dru laughed that eerie, fey laugh, and when she raised her head, she was smiling. She wound her hand even tighter into Buffy's hair, and her demon face melted away, yellow gaze turning clear blue.

"Look at me. Be in my eyes. Be in me."

"What?" Buffy wanted to add 'you crazy bitch', but the words wouldn't seem to come out, like they'd got caught up in molasses in her throat. A memory came back to her, then another. The Master. Dracula. Her will being taken away. Thrall? Well, screw that.

"Spike!" she yelled, hoping he'd managed to get rid of Harmony. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Dru, but she sure as hell wasn't about to give in and obediently let herself be eaten like a good girl. Since he had brought her down here and chained her up and gotten her in this position, she figured Spike owed her one.

Drusilla giggled, and Buffy gasped as Dru dragged a sharp, sharp fingernail threateningly up her throat. She tried to force her body to obey - kick, wrestle, head butt,  _anything_  - but it was all she could do to keep herself from mindless oblivion. "Spike, damnit!"

Dru licked her lips and laughed again, delighted with the game. Then her face scrunched unpleasantly, back to vampire; ready to bite, to kill.

Buffy forced her eyes closed, struggling to regain control. Dru scratched at her skin and made a happy purring sound, then her fingers closed around Buffy's neck and slowly, slowly squeezed. Oh, if Dru killed her because of Spike's stupid obsession, Buffy was gonna be so mad at him.

There was a roar, violent, inhuman, terrifying. There were no words in it, but somehow it still sounded like 'No!' - or maybe 'Stop!' Another roar - fading anger, strangely familiar.

Suddenly there were no hands holding her, the fog in her mind dissipated, and she could breathe easily again.  _What the hell?_

Cautiously, she opened her eyes to assess the situation.

Spike was standing there but not looking at her. Dru was nowhere to be seen. Buffy followed Spike's gaze down to his hand, where he was clutching something so tightly his knuckles were even more inhumanly white than usual.

A stake.

A cloud of dust.

 _Oh_.

For a few more seconds Spike stood still as stone as Dru's dust settled around him, then, "No! Oh God, no."

Buffy watched, confused, as he sank to the floor sobbing, crumbling down into himself. The sounds he was making... aching, painful sounds.

She really hadn't expected him to go through with it. Even if she'd told him she was just dying to have sex with him, she'd assumed he would find some reason or excuse to keep his skanky ex around. And she could never have expected a reaction like this. He'd said he was proving his 'love'. (She cringed.) Maybe he hadn't ever meant to actually do it, and now he was regretting it? Still, she was shocked to see him so... so  _emotional_  about it.

What should she do? It wasn't like she was about to comfort him, even if she'd been able to free herself, but...

"What?" she asked finally, biting it out more harshly than she'd meant to. "What the hell?"

He shook his head, and when he spoke it was so quiet she had to strain to hear him. "She's gone, gone. In my head, could always feel her." His hands wound convulsively into his hair, loosening it into unruly curls, his nails digging into his scalp as if he'd find Dru in there if he dug hard enough. "Hundred years, she was always there."

Because Dru was his sire, Buffy realised. There must have been some kind of... of bond? She didn't remember Angel having this reaction to staking Darla, but maybe the soul made it different, or maybe it was because Spike and Dru had been lovers, not just blood kin, or...

"It hurts?"

He looked at her strangely, as if he barely understood the question. "Yeah it bloody hurts. She was... bloody hell, Slayer, we were together for a century, you can't even imagine. She was my saviour, my redemption. She  _made_  me."

Buffy latched on to the only thing that made sense to her. Dru had sired him. It had to be that. Some kind of bond, and when it was broken, it hurt. "You didn't know this would happen," she said.

"'Course I knew. 'M not stupid." He swallowed hard, like he was choking back tears. "Know what it's like to grieve."

"Because she was your sire."

He shook his head. "Because I loved her."

No. No, it couldn't be that. "But you said... you felt her in your head. And now you can't any more." And that had to be what he'd reacted to, right?

"'S not 'cause I lost someone, Slayer. 'S 'cause I lost  _her_. Felt it when Darla died, didn't I? Hated the bitch, but she was still blood. Just 'cause I didn't care, still knew she was gone. Knew when you sent Angel off on his sunny holiday in hell. But Dru..." He shook his head, stared down at his hands and the stake still clutched tight in his fingers. "She was my everything. My sire. My black goddess. My-"

Buffy rolled her eyes. Drama queen, much? "Then why would you-?"

"For  _you_ , you ungrateful bitch. 'Cause I love you, 'cause I din't want her to hurt you." The outburst seemed to take the last bit of fight out of him. He curled around the stake, shaking with his quiet sobs, shivering and clawing at himself like he couldn't keep still. Like he had fire ants crawling under his skin.

Buffy watched, appalled and unwillingly moved. She didn't understand the contradictions in him; she didn't get it.

If Spike had come to her and told her he'd dusted Dru, she would've been happy the lunatic was dead but it wouldn't have meant anything more to her. It wouldn't have occurred to her that it would pain him this way. Not for one second would she have believed losing Drusilla - even by his own hand - would leave him a ball of tears on the floor of his crypt. But he'd known it would hurt him, and he'd done it anyway. To save a human life, to save the Slayer. To save her. Knowing she hated him. Knowing Dru still wanted him and she never would. He'd still chosen her over Dru.

God, he was  _such_  a weird vampire.

It was chilling and pathetic and sad. Part of her wanted to hold him, rock him and reassure him it would be okay. The other part - the part which was chafing badly against the damn chains and still shaking off the effects of the cattle prod - wanted to kick him in the head and run. That even part of her was inclined to comfort him was disturbing.

 _Evil vampire_ , she reminded herself.  _Can't love_.

Her certainty on that front was shakier these days. Angelus couldn't love, that wasn't in question. Or at least... he didn't love. Didn't love her.

It wasn't a pleasant thought. What was it Dru had said? "We can love quite well, if not wisely." What did that mean? What kind of love could be in a creature with no empathy or compassion? What was the difference? And since when was human love so wise anyhow?

More important, if vampires could love, why did Angelus hate her so much? If the only difference between Angel and Angelus was his soul... no, this couldn't be love, could it? It must be something else, it must be something more... vampire-y.

But there was Spike at her feet, crying like his heart would break, having sacrificed Drusilla for her sake. Which was a little staggering and a lot confusing. (And a bit worrying. Suppose he fell in 'love' with someone else? She didn't want to end up as his next devotional sacrifice.)

She could probably make him free her - a boot to the head would do the job nicely - but even though it was just Spike, you didn't kick a man (or vampire) when he was so... she didn't have the words to describe it, she just knew it would be wrong to hurt him more right now. And he had saved her life after all. Well... after being the one who put it in danger first, so that was nice and complicated, just how things usually were when it came to her own personal pain in the ass.

Nothing could ever be simple with Spike.

She watched for a couple more minutes, and despite her scruples, she found herself seriously considering the possibility of violence as a way to persuade him to free her. But then, cruelty aside, this was Spike and he was unpredictable. Suppose he remembered she was chained up and at his mercy and got... ideas?

He was still a crumpled heap at her feet. For a monster, he had amazingly thin skin. It wasn't a new thought, but it was one she hadn't yet got her head around. Drusilla was his sire, but even so... Buffy couldn't reconcile what she knew about vampires with his obvious pain.

Why was this such a big deal? It had to be something other than love, it had to. But what?

"Angel didn't... when he dusted Darla, he didn't..." She hadn't meant to say it out loud, didn't like the comparison or what it might mean, but the words spilled out of her mouth as soon as the thought occurred to her.

Spike scoffed. "'Cause he's a hard-hearted bastard. Didn't care about her any more'n she cared about him. Deserved each other, they did."

"He has a soul-"

He laughed harshly. "'Cause no one with a soul could be a worthless sod who didn't care about his family."

She ignored the heavy sarcasm. "And she was his sire."

"So what? Dust her as soon as breathe, he would."

Buffy blinked. It had never occurred to her to think of Angel dusting Darla as anything other than a sign of his deep commitment to her. And here she'd been assuming Spike was in pain because Drusilla was his sire, and he was reacting to the loss of that bond. But if it wasn't that...

He turned his face up toward her, and there was such emotion in his eyes, emotion he couldn't feel, shouldn't be able to feel. "Angel didn't give a fuck about her. Or about Dru, much less me." He sniffed, noisily, wetly. "Didn't care about us 'cause we were family, cared even less when he got his shiny new soul. Didn't even care enough to properly hate us. Meant less than nothin' to that git." Disdain dripped from his words even though he also sounded like he had a nasty cold.

Buffy wanted to protest, but she'd been there when Angel dusted Darla, and he'd acted like she was just another vampire. Hadn't reacted at all. And here was soulless, evil Spike, and the only word she had for how he was behaving was grief.

"He destroyed my Dru, then he sired her so she'd suffer forever. And the only reason he let me be was so he didn't have to look after her any more. Don't you tell me about your precious Angel. He was a piece of work 'fore he was turned and after he was turned and after that bloody spark was shoved up his bum." He narrowed his eyes. "You know why Darla chose him, yeah?"

Buffy shook her head mutely.

"She chose him 'cause he was a drunken, whoring layabout, used girls up then left them. He was a nasty piece of work. She liked him that way. He prob'ly would've gone evil even if he'd stayed human." His voice softened, almost pleading now. "Don't go thinking he's changed, Slayer. He hasn't. Never did, never will. Bastard."

She scowled at him. She didn't need to hear this. He was lying, anyway. (A little voice in the back of her head reminded her that Spike had always been a terrible liar. She ignored it.)

He started crying again, quietly and brokenly, and she couldn't decide if she was more disgusted, angry, or sympathetic.

The first two, she could live with. The third? Was giving her the wiggins. Sure, she knew what it was like to get your heart broken, but God, he was a vampire, and she was the Slayer, and the last thing she needed was to have any kind of fellow feeling for him. But somehow he seemed so sad and so young - which was stupid, he was like, way over a century older than her. With tears in his eyes and on his cheeks and his hair a mess of white-gold curls, though, it was easy to forget he was old and evil. He looked so innocent and so very vulnerable. It was...wrong.

 _Okay, that's it_. She was so done with all this. She didn't care what it meant, all right? She didn't care. Spike was just Spike, he didn't know anything, and he was just a thing and she wanted to go home and eat ice cream and forget this had ever happened. She had to get out of here.

She tugged at the chains again, but even with Slayer strength, they weren't going anywhere. Why couldn't he have tied her up with rope and locked Dru into these damn things?  _She_  might even have enjoyed them.

Buffy could've gotten free from rope eventually, no matter how firm he'd tied it. Then maybe she wouldn't have ended up almost becoming a vampire's chew toy and Spike wouldn't have had to stake Drusilla and Buffy would've been out of here before the whole sorry scene could play itself out. If they would've just left her out of it, she wouldn't have known or cared if Spike had gone through with it, wouldn't have been a reluctant witness to... whatever the hell this was.

"Spike!" she hissed. To her own ears, she sounded decidedly pissed for a woman trying to coax him into freeing her, but screw it, she was pissed, for good reason, so she made no attempt to soften it. She was out of better options here. "If you don't let me go, I swear to God-"

He blinked up at her, all watery-eyed, and she had the impression he'd forgotten for a moment that he had her restrained. He got to his feet and slowly unlocked the manacles without protest, not meeting her gaze, hands surprisingly gentle. Then he just stood there, looking at her sideways as if expecting retribution of some kind. Buffy couldn't quite bring herself to pop him in the nose, no matter how tempting.

When he realised she wasn't going to hit him, he nodded sadly and sank back down to the floor. He didn't sob any more, just wound his duster tightly around himself as if for protection and buried his face in his knees like a child.

She'd been thinking up all kinds of things she wanted to say, starting with 'What the hell is your deal?' and working up from there, but he was so utterly dejected she couldn't bring herself to play kick the Spike, not even with words. He'd find out soon enough what she'd had Willow do to keep him away, keep him out of her life. She wasn't sure how he'd deal with being disinvited, besides 'badly', and she honestly wasn't sure she'd be able to cope with his reaction tonight.

After staring at him for one more long moment, she shook her head, turned on her heel, and got out of the crypt as quickly as she could. There were a few things she definitely needed to think about, but for tonight she just had to get away from the dust and the sick feeling in her stomach and the too-soulful soulless monster curled in a ball on the cold stone floor.

_~ fin ~_

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should apologise for killing Dru, for whom I have a good deal of affection, but the whole story started from the notion of "But what if Spike had gone through with it?" so... it was kinda non-negotiable. Sorry.


End file.
